Wednesday, October 26, 2011

I am always covered!


My son Chriswin. He was crying loudly when he was given an injection. It was a painful injection and unavoidable indeed. He stared at the nurse and may have thought she might be so cruel to hurt him. After the injection, we came back to room and his petitions were clear in his face. I slowly leaned down to tell him:


"My dearest son, its me who allowed this. It is not the nurse who want to hurt you. All what she has done to you is with my knowledge and approval. I know it caused pain and hurt you a lot. I saw you crying. But this is essential for you dear. It is for your good. If I wont allow this, it will be a big trouble for you which I cannot afford. Now it is going to be alright. "


Then I turned back and see God smiling on me and His face shining..


Yes I may get stumbled over these trials. But I will wait for Thee, My Lord. For I have learned all these from you. Now I understand well that whatever happens to my life is with your knowledge. Looking into the problem makes be weak and arrogant. I may start complaining about them, be hopeless, blame others or even hate my self when I lose faith. But when I put trust in God, I will be calm, hopeful and consoled by His love.


Yes, I am always covered by God's insurance company. He has good plans for me. There is no place, no time where Grace of God leave you alone. Even though my eyes can't see, my ears can't hear, my mind won't agree, I believe in Thee my God!.

Friday, January 1, 2010

New Year thought

മാല്‍ദ്വീവ്. ഇവിടെയായിരുന്നു ഞാന്‍ കുറച്ചുനാള്‍. ആദ്യമാദ്യം അരകിലോമീറ്റര്‍ പോലും ഇല്ലാത്ത ഒരു ദ്വീപില്‍ ഒരേ കമ്പനിയില്‍ നിന്ന് ഞങ്ങള്‍ രണ്ട് പേര്‍ ഉണ്ടായിരുന്നു . പിന്നെ തനിച്ചായിരുന്നു എനിക്ക് പണി. ആറുമാസം അവിടെ ചിലവഴിച്ചു. കട്ടപണി ഉണ്ടായിരുന്നെങ്കിലും വല്ലപ്പോഴും ബോട്ട് ജെറ്റിയില്‍ പോയി ഇരുന്നു ചുമ്മാ കടലും കണ്ടിരിക്കും. അങ്ങനെ ഒരു അവസരത്തില്‍ എടുത്ത ഫോട്ടോ ആണിത്.




ഒരു ദിവസം ഒരു ബോട്ട് (ദോണി എന്ന് അവരു വിളിക്കും) ജെറ്റിയില്‍ ഉണ്ടായിരുന്നു. അതു കണ്ടപ്പോള്‍ ഞങ്ങള്‍ക്ക് കൌതുകം. ബോട്ടിന്റെ കെട്ടഴിച്ച് കരയിലേക്ക്







ആഞ്ഞു വലിച്ചടുപ്പിച്ചു. ദാ വരുന്നു നല്ല അനുസരണമുള്ള അള്‍സേഷ്യനെ പോലെ ദോണി. ഇതു കൊള്ളാമല്ലോ എന്നു കരുതി പിന്നെ ഞങ്ങള്‍ കയറില്‍ വലിച്ചു കൊണ്ട് നിന്ന് ഫോട്ടോയ്ക്ക് പോസ് ചെയ്തു. പണി പാളിപ്പോയി. അടുത്ത ഒരു തിര എതിര്‍ ദിശയില്‍ വന്നപ്പോള്‍ ദോണി ഞങ്ങളെ വലിച്ചു കടലിലിട്ടു. അവിടെ വെച്ചു വെള്ളം കുടിച്ചു മരിക്കേണ്ടവരല്ല ഞാങ്ങള്‍ എന്നു ദൈവം കരുതിയിരുന്നു. അതു കോണ്ട് മാത്രം ഇന്ന് ജീവിച്ചിരിക്കുന്നു.


ഇന്ന് ഈ ന്യു ഇയര്‍ ദിവസം ഈ ഫോട്ടോ വീണ്ടും കാണുമ്പോള്‍ മറ്റൊരു കാര്യമാണ് മനസ്സില്‍ വരുന്നതു. ഈ കൊച്ചു സംഭവം എന്റെ ജീവിതത്തില്‍ ഇന്നും സംഭവിക്കുന്നതാണെന്ന്. ദൈവപിതാവേ അങ്ങയുടെ ഹിതം നിറവേറണമെ എന്ന് ഏറ്റുപറഞ്ഞു കൊണ്ട് ഞാന്‍ പലപ്പോഴും ചെയ്യുന്നത് കാര്യങ്ങളെ എന്റെ വശത്തേക്ക് വലിച്ചടുപ്പിക്കുവാനാണ് ശ്രമിക്കുന്നത്. അടുത്ത ഒരു എതിര്‍തിര വരുമ്പോള്‍ ഞാന്‍ വീണു പോകുന്നു. എന്റെ നാഥനായ ഈശോയെ. ഈ വര്ഷം അല്ലാ ഈ ജീവിതം മുഴുവനും നിന്റെ ഹിതം മാത്രം എന്റെ ജീവിതത്തില്‍ നടത്തേണമേ എന്ന് പ്രാര്‍ത്ഥിച്ചു കൊണ്ട് ഇന്ന് ഈ പുതുവത്സരത്തില്‍ ഒരു പുതിയ തിരുമാനം ഞാന്‍ എടുക്കട്ടേ.

Saturday, September 5, 2009

This loving God is My Father; My Testimony.

Dedication: To Almighty.
God’s Love was the topic of thought over a hundreds of sermons and meditating sessions which I heard in my life. But, to be frank, most often I rarely used to understand His love. The knowledge of His ultimate Love has not entered into my heart and I only heard about God’s Love; had only little experience.



I was not joyful for this life; I never thanked God for this beautiful life. When I see my brothers and sisters thanking our Lord, I imitated them and pretended myself thanking God. My relationship with God was that of dog showing loyalty to his master for food, care and whatever it wanted from him.



Thanks to a couple of charismatic retreats, I learned the need and practice of personal prayer. They taught me how to pray and trained me to use Lord’s Prayer for making a beautiful hour(s) with God: Personal Prayer. Even during my PP, I concentrated on the repentance and purification part. I was not much successful in meditating God’s love or the part of the PP that allow us to experience God’s love. All what I do is to thank Him for all things that I consider as good. I pretended before God and myself that I am thanking for the difficulties I faced in Life, for all painful moments and for all that I consider bad. My heart was not filled with the real gratitude and with the same pain of those painful moments I used the words I learned from here and there for the thanks giving.


But God doesn’t want to me to be the same again. His grace reached my heart and told He loves me a lot. [I don’t want to be minimal in describing the experience of His love, but I am helpless.] One day, at some stage in my PP, suddenly this portion of the scripture came to my mind:



[9] And I tell you, Ask, and it will be given you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.



I opened my Bible and found the words from Luke11:9. But it didn’t touch my heart for a moment and a negative thought came to mind. I doubted my eligibility and misjudged that this was not applicable for me. I continued my reading and it was as follows.


[10] For every one who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened.
[11] What father among you, if his son asks for a fish, will instead of a fish give him a serpent;
[12] or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion?
[13] If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him?"

I got stuck by the word “how much more will the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him”. Then only I realized that I am praying to my father. I listened to God’s voice and it was like this.



“I am your father.”

“You are asking to your father”

“I am not expecting you to be a beggar before me for you are my son.”

“You shall not ask without faith like begging to a person where you may or may not get what you expect. Ask me with that freedom of a son and with that belief that you will certainly answered.”



I can’t explain the joy that filled my heart. God talked to me for the first time in my life! I never thought God will consider me – I didn’t have that faith. So I learned how to ask to my father and the results was amazing. I also learned that faith is not a simple matter to believe the existence of God or asking for a favour and getting it from Him.



But again my attitude has not changed. I thanked God for only the joyful moments and never saw His grace for me during the difficult times. I continued my prayers as such with a little difference that I got a small faith that I am asking to my father.



Two years passed, I found many personalities sent by God to influence me.

He taught me a lot of things through different people. Finally, at this phase, He allowed me to meditate the purpose of my life. Also my mentor is helping me a lot in this. Gaining this from the meditation, I learned that everything happened and happening in life is with a purpose planned by God.



Meditating this new fact in mind, on a journey to my home that could take three hours from my place of work, I started thinking about myself. I was sharing all my sorrows, the unseen wounds of my heart with Him. I told God that I never felt my life is beautiful and I am not able to rejoice. I shared everything: incident by incident and person by person that hurt me. I complained because I felt that the wounds in my heart have programmed my mindset to act wrong every time. I could easily get fallen due to these wounds. When all my complaints are finished, God started answering me through thoughts.



“What ever happened to me in my life is with the knowledge of God”

“His Grace is sufficient for me to succeed when I face temptations; His Grace can overcome and heal my wounds”

“God knows me more than me”

“He loves me more than I can imagine”

“I were in His care even before my birth”

[….. I missed the remaining part from my memory because I was made so joyful and thankful in heart for every thing in my heart]



This is how I became a thankful man and a rejoicing human being.

This is my testimony about how His Love filled into my heart and how I was healed. These days He is revealing me how he turned sorrows into blessings and the reason behinds those situations. Today when I think about my past, gratitude fill my heart and I couldn’t stop praising you my Lord.



You are a wonderful father and an awesome God!!!

(… to be continued; forever)

Jobin.